Dear Neighbors:
A conversation with my sister the other day reminded me of an awkward dilemma that singles are likely to encounter. Many of us still have a few single friends left. Every so often, one of those friends will go off and be part of a couple. As we try to maintain the relationship, we now have to consider the thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, and current health conditions of that oh-so-special other person. But what if...
What if....?
(oh, this kills me to say it)
What if you can't stand your friend's significant other? What if the very thought of that person makes you want to eat your own eyeballs and puncture your own eardrums so that you don't have to experience this person on any level (I just realized how icky that was. Sorry.)?
With a little effort on your part, you can maintain civil relationships with people you're going to have to see for as long as your want to keep your BFF. (my neighbors are screaming at each other right now. I don't know whether to listen in or run over there with my cell phone and claim to be calling their mother -- they're teenagers)
Scenario #1: Your friend has a new boyfriend and he's a caveman. He lets her do all of the housework while he sits on his ever-expanding ass and does nothing. He's critical of her cooking but unwilling to cook a meal himself. You and he butt heads whenever you cross paths. And since they're a new couple and don't want to be separated, you're stuck with him.
Solution: You have to ask yourself why your friend puts up with such behavior. It's possible that she thinks that this is the best she can do. It's also possible that your friend likes to be needed and enjoys spoiling her boyfriend. Does he really do nothing for her? No matter what, be super duper nice to him, no matter what he says. If it turns out that he really is a bad guy, eventually, he's going to call you a bitch, you're going to compliment him on that Vivid New Tattoo and your friend is going to see things a little differently. If she doesn't, she's gone to the dark side. Evacuate.
Scenario #2: Your friend's new girlfriend is So Darn Sweet. She's already charmed him, his family, his pets, his boss and his landlord's goldfish. She's had a sad, sad life and has overcome so many obstacles to get where she is. So many that it seems like too many. Like maybe she's prone to exaggeration. You, however, think she's a Big Fat Faker. Because you're not impressed with her looks, you're beneath the surface where her stories just aren't adding up. You want to like her and it would be easy to do so. But what if her facade is eventually going to hurt your friend?
Solution: Men are extremely protective about the women in their lives. But no one gets the five star service that the Girlfriend Of The Moment does. She can do no wrong and you're a bad person for even suggesting such a thing. It doesn't matter to him at all that she's lying through her teeth. Like most people, he wants his relationship to be perfect and his partner above reproach -- even if he isn't. My advice is that if you really don't trust this woman, make sure you don't alienate your friend. He's going to need you when this one blows up. Think of her as being on probation. If things go well and those lies don't seem to matter, let it go. My male friends usually start running up huge credit card bills once they're in a relationship. Some excess is to be expected. When your friend gets a second job, it's time for an intervention.
(I believe I just heard the phrase, "...fucking eyeball out". Those teenagers are scary.)
Scenario #3: When you get together with your friend and her boyfriend, he's obnoxious. He makes snide remarks about the fact that you're single and when he suggests a friend that you might be interested in meeting, your friend quietly shakes her head, "NO." If he's intelligent, he'll find clever ways to insult you so that your friend doesn't pick up on it. When she does, he says he's just kidding. In private, he's nothing but rude to you. You don't want to lose the friendship, but this guy has got to go.
Solution: She's not going to dump him because he's mean to you. Guaranteed. If you continue this friendship, you're in for a great deal of humiliation and frustration. Insist on getting together without him. Make it a deal breaker. If she says no, she's not worth it. Walk away. If they break up, be careful about resuming the friendship. She didn't care about your feelings the last time, so why would it be any different this time?
Scenario #4: Your friend's girlfriend has reorganized his life. And you're out with the lava lamp and his Playboy collection. He occasionally invites you to gatherings, but his new girlfriend does everything she can to make you feel unwelcome while making herself look good.
Solution: You can't win this one. Stop going to their parties. Regardless of whether or not they're living together, his place is now her place and she didn't invite you. He did. So hang out with him without her and without a party crowd. If she really doesn't like you, she won't care if the two of you meet without her. She'd probably prefer it. Because he's your friend, he'll offer excuse after excuse about why she couldn't make it this time. You, of course, are biting your tongue in order to avoid saying, "Whew! At least we'll get to have fun." The magic will wear off eventually, she'll unclench and maybe you'll all be friends. One can hope.
Here's to 3rd wheel friendships everywhere! And for your laughing pleasure, here's a FB conversation between a friend and prospective young lover...
- :D
- :P
- :O
- 3:)
- ;)
- :-{) (fellow with a moustache)
- :-{) (fellow with a moustache)
- === (mace)
- :(
- Guess you better be sure to shave before you come over.
mace :( so mean...- You were coming at me with a moustache! I thought you were going to rape me!
- It was just a silly emoticon...
- Well shit didn't really work out for you did it Mister raper man?
hahahahaha!!! :P
Ahhh, young love.
Haha! You're so funny!
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