The Perfect Man (literally)

Dear Neighbors:

If I were to have my choice of a superhero, I'd have to go with Superman all the way. Not only does he have the tall thing going on, but he's polite -- ever seen a comic where Superman tells someone to "F&*k off and die?" I don't seem to recall that one. Somehow, I'm guessing that even with a perfect man, it's impossible to have a perfect relationship.

The Pros and Cons of Dating Superheroes:

(I have never actually dated a superhero, so this is all speculation. If you have dated one, please feel free to correct me. And brag a little.)

Superman:
Pros: He's strong. You'll never again have to open a stubborn jar or move furniture around. Superman can do it single-handedly. He won't be calling over his friends for an afternoon of beer and "yard work" that never seems to get finished. When Superman says he's going to do something, he does it.
Cons: And that's kind of the problem. When someone is in need of rescue, this man is there to help. Twenty-four hours a day. Seven days a week. Forget about that romantic dinner if there's a cat in the tree or that vacation if General Zod decides to pay a visit. And it's not as if you can show him off to your friends. They think he's Clark Kent. They're waiting for him to trip over his own two feet. Imagine keeping your mouth shut when your neighbor is trying to one-up you with a new car and all you want to say is, "I'm married to Superman, bitch!"

Batman
Pros: He mostly works at night, which means that you don't have to explain his various absences during the day. Just don't make any plans after dark. Once you're all dressed up for that benefit, Batman is going to get a call on the Batphone. But he loves the color black and you'll never have to worry about him matching an orange tie to brown pants. Or, perish the thought, driving a 1999 Ford Fiesta. Batman is first class, all the way.
Cons: And his cool garage full of cars and gadgets? You don't ever get to go down there. EVER. Never mind showing it off to your friends. And try not to grit your teeth when the Batphone goes off in the middle of the night and you're getting suspicious about just whose ass your man is pulling out of peril.

Spider Man
Pros: You'll never have to squash a bug again. They probably don't want to hang out at your house, anyway. Spider Man will always be in good shape -- otherwise, he can't climb up those buildings and swing on his spiderweb. And if you forget to buy milk, just send him out to the store. In traffic, it'll take him 5 minutes.
Cons: Unfortunately, Peter Parker is not known for raking in the dough. As a matter of fact, he's better at fighting crime than earning a living. Be ready to keep that full-time job. Spidey sense does not lead to a 401k and a good health insurance plan.

The Hulk
Pros: You'll never have to ask if he's mad. Just wait. If he turns green, maybe this isn't the right time to tell him that the car needs a new alternator. He's a scientist, so he's brilliant, which means you're not going to have the Peter Parker Problem.
Cons: You never know what's going to set him off. After the first time he goes green because the shower ran out of hot water or the dog peed on the floor, you're going to be working overtime making sure nothing pisses that man off.

Captain America
Pros: This hero is the eternal optimist, always believing that he alone can keep America great. He's believes in honesty and helping one's fellow man and, well, just being a good guy. And he has the physical strength to do it. In battle, Captain America is the leader.
Cons: He's not going to be happy with you when you tell that little white lie about what you really did with that extra $200. And forget about cheating on your taxes. This guy will not only be horrified at the suggestion, but he'll turn you in to the IRS for your own good and the good of the country. Seriously. Do you really want to be married to Mr. Goody Two Shoes?

I still have to go with Superman on this one.

D