Dear Neighbors:
As I approach my 40th birthday in September, I am forced to remember a promise I made to myself -- if there was no Mr. Right on the horizon by age 40, it would be time to have a baby on my own. The idea is a little scary, but the idea of not doing it is scarier. I think of all the things I've had to miss out on throughout my life because there are certain things that are only reserved for the marrieds. Many of those things don't bother me at all. Going the rest of my life without children, however, would bother me very much. My friends understand where I'm coming from and they support me. I have had a couple of male friends offer to donate some of their best swimmers for the cause. The people who don't understand, however, are usually the marrieds.
Single/Friend Reaction: "Good for you, let me know what I can do to help."
Married Reaction: "Why don't you adopt?"
Many of my married friends have had children. Some of them have had problems or have anticipated problems conceiving. When they discuss those concerns with me, I never suggest that they should just adopt instead of pursuing the propagation of their own DNA. It rarely occurs to them that I might want to do it old school myself. I know that some of the reason for this is the idea that it isn't acceptable for a single woman to add a new life to the world; we should just be happy to take the unwanted children. I know that there are many reasons a married would think this way:
1. The puritanical idea that one should not have sex outside of marriage -- uh, hello? How do you think those children up for adoption came into existence? The stork? It's not that single people have sex that bothers the marrieds. It's when the evidence cannot be ignored that they have a problem. After all, how are they going to explain to their precious, two-parent householded children that a single woman is capable of having a baby? It might require them to give them a REAL lesson in sex ed that doesn't begin with, "When you're married..."
2. The marrieds think they're better than the rest of us. If you won't admit it to me, at least take a moment and admit it to yourself. You think that because you were able to get another person to commit to you, that entitles you to an elevated status in life. And why wouldn't you believe it? If you died in a horrific accident, the newspaper story would focus on the fact that you left behind a husband and children. If I died in a horrific accident, they'd focus on the accident. I get it. Really. You're special and you should have special privileges. Uh-huh. Whatever.
3. You believe that a child should be raised in a two-parent home. I can't argue that it's probably better, but it isn't the only way a child can be raised well. After all, if you were to get divorced, you wouldn't lose custody of the kids, would you? If I shouldn't do it on my own, neither should you.
4. You believe that a boy needs a male role model. Yes, you're absolutely right. I have more men in my life than you do. Guaranteed. The only difference is -- they like me.
The Evolution Factor:
This is where you're going to want to work with me. I know that many people don't believe in evolution. You're stupid. There's nothing else I can do for you. As for the rest of you, think about the process of evolution and natural selection. Let's say that there are only two categories of people who manage to find spouses in time to procreate: The Really Good Looking and Ms. Stupid Got A Case Of The Babies...again. Over time, we'll end up with an entire society of people who are attractive dumbasses. If you'd like to see a simulation, watch the movie "Idiocracy" with Luke Wilson. This is why single women like me need to go ahead and add to the gene pool. I'm relatively attractive, very intelligent, I have GREAT hair and skin, and small ears that are close to my head. These are desirable features that should be passed on.
If you don't believe me, think about what's going to be swimming around the gene pool when your little one is ready to procreate. Still think I should adopt?
D
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