Dear Neighbors:
Now that I have shared my worst NYE experiences with you, I'm sure you can understand why I won't risk going out again on that particular evening. I have gone into these occasions with a great attitude (those three were just the worst; there have been many more similar experiences), but I end up wishing I'd stayed home.
It doesn't seem to matter if I'm among friends or home alone -- I always end up feeling alone. About 15 years ago, I used to go out dancing at a club in San Bernardino. I stayed with it for 5 years because it was a helluva lot of fun and I was in fantastic shape by the time the place was remodeled and ruined in 2000. I always attended their NYE parties and would always take off about ten minutes before midnight because I simply couldn't handle all of the free-flowing affection.
In need of a NYE alternative? Try some of these:
1. Write a list of New Year's Resolutions -- for someone else.
Could you just imagine the joy of opening your e-mail and finding that someone has
thoughtfully determined how you can improve your life over the next twelve months? Go ahead and get started. Choose the friend who is probably having the best evening and think about how you could make his or her life even better! You might have suggestions such as "lose 30 pounds", "get rid of those hideous mom jeans" and "stop putting my kids on the phone when Doro calls".
2. Cheesy Movie Marathon
Pick out the five or six cheesiest movies that you don't want to admit that you love. You know, the ones you watch by yourself? Break 'em out, baby. Add some popcorn and the stress-relieving beverage of your choice and you have escapism down to a science.
My list?
"Muriel's Wedding", "Girls Just Want to Have Fun", "Point Break", "The Fast and the Furious", and, of course, "Grease".
3. Start an Internet Rumor
It's not as if you have anything better to do, so look for some places where you can post a comment, and add something ridiculous like orange is the new black, the Kardashians escaped from a long incarceration at Area 51, or maybe that marshmallows are the new superfood. Start posting these rumors and don't be surprised when you can't find marshmallows on the shelves at the supermarket the next day...
4. TV Series Marathon
Watch a series from beginning to end. The bonus is that you can get started early in the day and still not be finished by midnight. Did you know that "Lost" is available for streaming in its entirety on Netflix? I also recommend "Prison Break", "House" and the original "V" from the 80's. You'll get so lost in these series that you'll freak out when the noise starts. No one's getting shot, it's just the morons next door banging pots and pans to scare away the New Year's Eve... whatevers (I have no idea why they do that).
5. Find a Project
This is a great evening for doing something you've been putting off. Decorate a cake, knit a scarf, clean out that spare room, or determine which of your clothes are still going to fit when you're finished eating the cake you just decorated.
6. Experiment With Alkeehall
How many times are you going to have an entire evening to yourself when you don't have to get up the next morning? Buy a bunch of different types of alcohol and the trimmings and start making up drinks! Put in a little bit of this, a lot of that, and see how it tastes. If it's gross, start over. If it's good, drink up! Caution: You may be tempted to do a bit of unsupervised drunk dialing. Before you start drinking, write yourself a note with a No Drunk Dialing reminder. Better yet, put the cell phone in a drawer.
7. Drunk Dialing
Yes, I know I just told you not to do this, but you're drunk and you're going to do it anyway, so you might as well do it right. Start with the friend who is most likely to be out for the evening. Call and ask to talk to the significant other. Tell stupid jokes and see how long he or she will listen before passing the phone off. Repeat. The next day, pretend not to remember any of this. "Are you sure it was me? Damn, I must have been really drunk!"
8. Be a Kid Again!
Break out the Barbies, the Legos, the Play-Doh and have some fun. Build things. Put Barbie in her astronaut outfit and send her to Mars while Ken keeps house waiting for her return. Find some crayons and a coloring book and spend the evening trying to remember why it was so important to color within the lines.
I don't know about you, but between the alkeehall, "Muriel's Wedding", "Prison Break" and the Legos, my NYE is coming along nicely.
9. Start A Blog
Worked for me.
D
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