No Meowing Allowed

Dear Neighbors:

I get annoyed when the act of two women arguing is referred to as a "catfight". I find the term demeaning because it implies that women fight over nothing. The thing is...we often do. Cats fight over stupid things, scratch the hell out of each other, and then walk away, only to do it again. Women are much the same way. Why do we do this to each other? 

The ways in which women refuse to respect other women are endless; I can explain them by using "The Real Housewives of Orange County" as an example. This show features a constantly rotating cast of women who live in and around an exclusive area called Coto de Caza or something pretentious like that. They're not all married, but they all live as if money grows on trees and the world would be a better place if everyone wore Prada. Even though they appear to be well off, the entire Housewives series has been beset by bankruptcies, foreclosures and lawsuits over unpaid bills. Living above their means in only the least of their problems. 

How Women Treat Each Other Badly (and yes, I am guilty of some of these offenses):

Gossip: We love to pass on the news, but sometimes we forget that it's not our news to share and doing so will only hurt the "friend" whose life is being played out to anyone who cares to listen. On the season finale of the show, Tamra hit (literally) Jeana with a lawsuit for discussing her relationship with her soon-to-be ex-husband with the media. Jeana used the old excuse about having her words twisted around. It wasn't nice, but it wasn't anything Tamra hadn't done before. In the previous season, Tamra bad-mouthed Gretchen over her relationship with a much older man who later passed away. She made her out to be a prostitute to anyone, including the media, who would listen. Yes, payback is a bitch. We must fight the temptation to tell what we know simply because we know it. It can make us feel important to have this information, but we wouldn't have it if our friends didn't trust us. Men rarely gossip. I don't know how they fight the temptation, but they don't do it.

One-Upping: This, I believe, is the cause of all of the financial problems with the Housewives and their husbands. You know how this works. Your friend buys a new car, so you buy a more expensive model. Your friend loses ten pounds, so you lose twenty. And so on. The Housewife who makes my skin crawl more than any other, Alexis, has been doing this to her so-called friend Peggy all season. If Peggy has a $5,000 dress, Alexis has an entire closet of $20,000 dresses. Peggy suffered from postpartum depression and, of course, Alexis had it worse. All the while, she would insist that it was not a competition. By the end of the season, Alexis broke Peggy down to the point where she was miserable anytime she was in her friend's presence. Both men and women enjoy the one-upping game, but it's pointless and immature. Not to mention expensive.  

Shopping In The Used Man Lot:  When your friend breaks up with her boyfriend or divorces her husband, he's off limits. That's the rule. You don't get to date him because he's now available. He's available, alright, just not to YOU. Crossing that line means that you're not taking your friend's reasons for the split seriously and you're going to cause her pain by introducing him back into her life again. It's a rotten thing to do, even if your friend tells you it's fine. It isn't fine. There are so many intertwined relationships between the Housewives that it's hard to keep track of who used to date whom. At the end of the season finale, it was revealed that Peggy used to date Alexis' husband. That explains a great deal, doesn't it?

Husband-Stealing: Some of us have learned this the hard way -- never get involved with a married man. It doesn't matter if he's separated, if the divorce is just thisclose to being final, or if he swears that they haven't had sex in years and have an "arrangement". Don't do it. Show respect to other women by staying away from their husbands. Regardless of what he says, she's not half the shrew he makes her out to be. Men, this applies to you as well. 

Neglecting Friendships For Relationships: Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you should abandon your friends. I understand that you're "in love" (after a week, of course) and you can't stand to spend a minute apart, but your friends need you. Always set aside some girl time because if you don't, you won't have friends anymore. Who are you going to get to wear the awful bridesmaid's dress or to spend the day with when your new guy is out with his own friends? I have ignored the calls of friends who suddenly remember I exist when Mr. Something Special is out of town or hanging out with the guys. Forget about me and I'll move forward, not back. 

Ignoring Your Friends' Advice: Yes, he's hot, the sex is fantastic and he treats you like a princess. But your friends are telling you to get rid of him because he doesn't have much of a work ethic and he's draining you financially. Or he really likes his alcohol/cocaine/X-Box more than he likes you. If your friends are telling you that he's not a good guy, there's a reason for it. After the death of her father-figure boyfriend, Gretchen broke several rules by dating a guy named Slade (who has dated most of the Housewives at some point in time) and ignoring the pleas of her friends to drop him due to the fact that he owes serious money in child support and doesn't appear to be working (though he constantly tells everyone that he does). Instead of heeding their advice, she has continued to stay with him. Oh, wait. He stays with her. Homelessness -- not a hopeful sign. Listen to your friends. When it comes to men, they're going to look out for you. 

What I'm asking for is a little something I like to call estrogen solidarity. That means that we support other women for no other reason than we're women. If you encounter women who don't abide by this philosophy, do not engage. Move on. You don't need a friend that badly. And if you do, send me an e-mail. Really. 

Doing the Opposite of The Housewives,

D