Existing While Single

Dear Neighbors:

I often find myself wanting to ask, "Is it against the law to be single?" I can't help it -- I so often feel the pressure of the additional burdens that society places upon those of us without a human buffer. As it happens, there are many discriminatory laws against single people. Fortunately, they're those bizarre, seldom-remembered laws that are, to my knowledge, not enforced. Thanks to Squidoo.com for the info.

Fines for fornicating single people: Michigan -- $5,000; Texas -- $500; Rhode Island -- $10; Arizona -- no fee required (felony offense, three years in prison)

Single neighbors, I want you to imagine living a life in which you are single, the odds of finding someone are getting smaller, and it's against the law for you to have sex. Does the need only become a reality when one is married? I'm sure many clergymen would like to think and preach so, but that's just not true. Single people need physical affection just as much as the marrieds. Have you ever been admonished as an adult for admitting to being sexually active?

I have.

By my therapist.

I noticed that every time the topic moved to sex, she became very uncomfortable. I finally asked her if there was something she wanted to say (take that, shrink!), and that's when she told me that we didn't need to discuss sex because single people shouldn't be having sex. And yes, this person was responsible for my feelings. That admission was the last I needed to hear from her. I never saw Dr. LegsCrossed again.

Married neighbors, I want you to imagine a life in which you are no longer married. You're divorced or widowed and you're dating again. Except that sex is off of the menu because it's illegal for you to have sex now. Think you can go back to holding hands? Regardless of whether one is married or single, we all have the same wants, needs and desires. Mine aren't on hold because there's no Mr. Right in the picture. So try not to imagine a scarlet "S" on my chest (you know what it stands for) when I mention that last night's date didn't end at hand-holding.

Missouri, 1820: single men age 21 to 50 were charged an annual tax of $1.00.

We all feel the sting at tax time. Some of us more than others, of course. I, like most single people without children, are tired of all the good tax breaks going to the people who can afford to buy a house, and those who are willing to procreate. There's no comparable and equivalent credit for those of us who haven't had children or who can't afford to buy a house. Having been laid off on a regular basis, the idea of being bound to an area terrifies me -- what if I get laid off again? It's the same fear that has kept me from pursuing single motherhood. Maybe the tax break would make it easier, but I don't want to take the risk.

Those who have taken the risk are duly rewarded for tax breaks for populating the earth and committing to a location. But do they deserve the tax breaks? I think not.

Children: Until these people reach the age of 18, they are just mooching off of society (you know I love kids -- did you know I love to play devil's advocate?). They receive free education, oftentimes free health care, and a wide variety of services to ensure the child's safety, such as welfare, Medi-Cal, social services and the free breakfast/lunch program at school. I have no problem with these services being offered to every child. I have a problem with paying for it. I didn't bring these children into the world. Shouldn't the child's parent(s) be required to foot the bill? Maybe in the form of taxes on which they do not receive a break for having a child! What a novel idea. Maybe those of us who don't have children could receive the tax break because we aren't adding another child to already-crowded classrooms.

Homebuying: In a way, I can understand a tax break for buying a home. However, I believe it should be a one-time tax break. After all, you're only buying the house once, right? You're not buying it over and over again each year? Good. One tax break only. Here's my reasoning: the act of being a homeowner requires a lot of work. Buying and maintaining the home requires the participation of several government agencies. Who should pay for the services provided to you -- me? I don't think so. Paying for your home and your children is expensive. Think of everyone involved in the scandal over the foreclosures! Why should those people be bailed out while those of us who didn't jump into buying a home are still renting?

I'm just saying, give us single people a break. We need it.

Enjoy these tidbits:

The law in Guatemala pulls no punches in dealing with single women who have been accused of illicit lovemaking. Supposed female "fornicators," when seen in the streets, are to be stopped, spat upon, and beaten by the citizens of the community. Single men aren't punished at all when they've been caught in the act.

Florida - There was a law prohibiting unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or they risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.

Let me guess -- we're supposed to be praying for a husband.

Happy Fornicating (or not)!!

D