Dear Neighbors:
My week is off to a great start. At work, we're doing state testing so I don't have the stress of planning lessons and making sure that every moment of instructional time is being used effectively. Instead, I'm plowing through assignments that need to be graded, planning out a relatively stress-free last six weeks of school and finishing up the yearbook -- and I can wear jeans this week. Sweet, huh? I was beginning to despair that my blogging days were over as my idea tank seems to be running dry. At least until I had a long conversation with a friend tonight. This friend is in her late 30's, and in spite of her willingness to give any man a chance, she's single. This friend has looked for love throughout her life but hasn't waited around for it. This is why she has a fantastic career, owns a nice home, and financially, you could say that she has her shit together. Still, she hasn't found love yet. It's not due to a lack of effort, though maybe she's fishing in the wrong sea.
Let's get something out of the way here. Men and women have primal instincts when it comes to expectations of the opposite sex. Women want to feel protected while men want to be nurtured. If you're shaking your head no, you still must admit that in a way, we all want a bit of the traditional in our non-traditional romances. This is often why The Nice Guy remains The Single Guy. If a man is too nice, a woman cannot see him as a protector and provider. At the same time, a woman who is successful in her career and with her finances tends to turn a man off because he feels that she's taking over what is supposed to be his role.
I can't entirely relate to my friend's situation. While I have a great career, I haven't had the stability that my friend has. My career has been full of ups and downs (lately more ups than downs), but still, I have a career rather than a job. A man who dates me will find that there are plenty of ways in which I can appreciate him for his masculine qualities (I dig the fetch and carry, by the way. Anyone want to move a recliner from my living room into my bedroom? I'll cook. I promise). My friend has spent her 20's and 30's dating and hoping to meet the right guy while supporting herself and planning for a single future -- just in case.
After all of that hard work, she hasn't met many men who are in the same situation as she. Lately, the men she meets have jobs rather than careers, rent instead of own, and have no idea what they'll be doing next week, much less next year. Should she have to settle for a Man Child when she really deserves a Man? I know some of you will be offended at the idea that everyone should have a stable career as we enter our 40's, but you're not going to be able to convince me otherwise. Who the hell wants to still be thinking about what we're going to be when we grow up when our hair has gone gray (or has gone altogether) and things that used to be firm now wobble? Women seem to have to make a choice. We can concentrate on a career inside the home or outside the home, but having both is the Golden Ticket (sorry, showed "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" after testing today) we'd all love to find and rarely ever do.
She isn't the only friend of mine in that situation. My BFF Laura is divorced with adult children, owns a home and is also a teacher. She worries that if she meets someone she likes, she may end up as the breadwinner. Unlike men, who often see supporting a woman as a given, Laura and my other friend have no interest in taking on the role of provider to a man whose whims take him to one job after another without savings, health insurance or a retirement plan -- all of which my friends have and don't wish to sacrifice. After all, careful planning means being able to retire earlier rather than later, but not if they marry the wrong man. What if they marry and divorce? While neither of them is rich, they are comfortable. They take care of themselves but do not wish to run a Man Child charity. They prefer to be equal partners in a relationship.
What the hell is a Man Child, you ask (and if you're a man, you're probably infusing that sentence with expletives that would make my ears itch)? Allow me to define it for you:
Are you a Man Child? Take this quiz and find out!
1. Give yourself one point if you're in the military, have graduated college or trade school (any degree is fine, from AA to doctorate). Two points if you have a degree but don't utilize it, and three points if none of the above apply to you.
2. If you've had your current job for more than two years, give yourself one point, two points if you've been there less than a year, and three if you've worked there less than six months and don't give a shit about it one way or the other.
3. Do you own a home? One point. Rent? Two points. Rent a room or live with someone for whom you do chores/run errands/freeload and occasionally screw the landlord in order to distract her from the fact that you're never going to leave? Four big points on this one (I'm feeling generous today so I'll give you five if you've been able to exchange sex for rent for at least six months).
(You see where I'm going with this. Lots of points - bad. Low score -- good)
4. "I'm confident that I will be able to afford to retire by the time I'm 65 if I so choose and doing so will not leave me homeless or dumpster diving for food." If this is true, you get one point. If this is not true, three points.
5. "While I'd love to have a regular job, I have to leave myself open for my big break in the NFL, NBA, American Idol, Survivor or for the rich woman who is going to fall in love with me and insist on making me her love slave." Are you holding off on a career until you're sure you won't be drafted? Two points. If you read the statement and laughed at its ridiculousness, don't give yourself any points.
6. "There's nothing wrong with allowing a woman to support me. This is the 21st century, after all." Equal rights? Four points. Still determined to be the breadwinner? One point.
Start your calculations, gentlemen...
16 -- 20 Points:
You are indeed a Man Child. Instead of growing up, planning for the future and seeking an equal partner to share...whatever it is you think you want to share, you've instead filled your life with hopes and dreams and little else. While your female counterparts studied, worked hard and created lives for themselves, you're still waiting for yours to start.
10 - 15 Points:
You're a dreamer ("...but my heart's of gold..." What song is that? Who knows it?), but not necessarily useless. You've tried this and that here and there and while you're still finding yourself, you're not entirely lost. Instead, you're taking the scenic view rather than the long and winding road. No one has to tell you to relax and unclench, but if you don't find your way back to reality soon, you may never be able to get there.
0 - 9 Points:
If you're single, e-mail your name and number to ItsDoro@gmail.com. I know two women who would love to meet you. Happy to be a Dreamer, not interested in a Man Child,
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