The Wheels on the Bus...Aren't On My Car!

Dear Neighbors:

Lately, I've been having some trouble with my...actual neighbors. I live in an apartment complex with 8 apartments. It's the smallest such complex I've ever lived in. Regardless of how many apartment-dwelling neighbors I have, one thing never changes -- the insistence on complete strangers to ask me for favors. One of my neighbors has a daughter who attends my school. For that reason, I've tried to keep my life separate from theirs. I get nervous about students seeing that I'm a normal person who indulges in the same things that other people do, and then going to school and reporting that Ms. Moody drinks, swears, or checks her mail without wearing a bra (like I'm really going to put one on just for the walk down to the curb?). And I have to admit that I've been a little worried the time would come when I would be asked to drive the student to school. 

You guessed it -- a few weeks ago, my neighbor crashed her car and asked if I could drive her daughter, M, to school until she had other transportation. It would be just the rest of the week, she promised, and if I didn't take her, she wouldn't be able to go to school (now it's my responsibility?).  I was surprised when, the following Monday, M knocked on my door to see if I was ready to leave yet. Same thing the following Monday. One of those days, I had to call in sick -- yet I had already agreed to take M to school, so no rest for the wicked. I know what you're thinking; parents do this every day. What's the problem?  The problem is that I'm no one's parent. I may never be anyone's parent, and therefore should not be obligated to take responsibility for other people's children. It's difficult to get it across that I need to be able to leave early -- or late -- and not have to worry about driving anyone else. Yes, we're going in the same direction, but getting a student to school an hour early means that I am now responsible for that student for the next hour. I can't leave students in my classroom alone, and that makes it difficult for me to make copies, visit other teachers, or just go to the restroom. When, in the third week, M once again showed up on my doorstep, I made it very clear to her and her mother that I would no longer be able to drive her to school. Her mother started in about how her windshield wipers don't work and that she's still going to need a ride on rainy days. Apparently, one favor begs another. 

It's not just rides that my neighbors want. I have had other neighbors knock on my door to ask for money. There's always a variety of excuses -- we need to get to grandma's funeral and we have no gas money, we had to repair the car and now we have no money for food, or can I borrow twenty bucks until payday? I find it difficult to buy into these sob stories when these are the same people who hang out in the courtyard smoking. How is it that they are able to afford cigarettes and not able to afford gas or food? I have a strict policy on smokers -- I don't lend money or the equivalent to them. If they can afford to smoke, they can afford to put gas in the car. 

It's not easy to get it across to them that I'm no better off financially than they are. Yes, I don't have children, but that doesn't mean that my budget isn't tight. In fact, I'm trying to set aside money so that I can afford to have a child. What bothers me more than anything else is that assumption that if I don't help, their downfall is now my fault. People who are in the habit of begging for things are particularly gifted at placing blame anywhere but on themselves.

I don't mind helping. I do mind being used. 

Out Of Service,

D