Valentine In The Singlehood

Dear Neighbors:

 

Once again, it is February 14th and it's time to share the love. If you're coupled and have plans to celebrate, have a great time! If you're coupled and still don't have any good ideas, scroll to the end...

If you're single, you're probably starting the day thinking, "Oh, great. I have to listen to my co-workers go on and on about their plans today." Right now, I want you to relax your face. Go on, just let it droop as if you are in the dentist's office and you're completely numb. Like that. Okay, now you're going to practice smiling and saying, "How wonderful!". Go ahead, do it. In between practicing, let your face droop. This will ensure that your cheeks won't be screaming at you long before lunchtime. Every time one of your friends or co-workers talks about plans for the evening, do the excited face. As soon as the conversation is over and the friend has walked away, droop. Relax. Then start over again. Don't piss on anyone else's excitement, as tempting as it may seem.

Now that we've dealt with the Happy Lovers, it's time to move on to us single people. Some of you may not care at all about this day. You might go home from work, catch some good television (might I recommend "Castle"?) and don't think about what day it is until you get back to work tomorrow and your co-workers are one-upping each other with their fabulous stories. Once again, do the praise-droop-praise until you can safely walk away. This sort of thing might not be important to you at all. You may be firm in your belief that it's a silly excuse for a holiday. Then again, it might upset you to have to hear about it when you spent the evening miserable. In either case, be prepared.

Rent some movies

I recommend "The Town" with Ben Affleck. Yes, it's an action/heist movie, but one of the storylines explains perfectly why women fall for the bad guy. I also recommend either of the "Harold and Kumar" movies and, of course, "Pineapple Express". It's impossible to watch these movies and not feel just a little silly. "Smokin' Aces" is a great movie as well. The action never stops. Yes, I realize I should throw in some chick flicks in here, but due to the Happy Ending Ratio, I prefer to leave them out of my Valentine's viewing.

Get take-out

Call up your favorite restaurant and pick up some take out. Certain restaurants, such as BJ's Brewery, will deliver the food to your car. How cool is that? PF Chang's will serve you right at the front desk, and The Outback has a separate entrance for take out orders.  Don't forget the dessert. 

Single friends

Get them to come over, or go see them. Last year, the next day was a holiday for me, so Laura and I rented movies, had her son pick up some great food, and pigged out to our heart's content. It was a fun evening and it's all about spending it with those we care about, apparently. 

Tomorrow, remember that your coupled friends and co-workers are going to want to tell you everything. Some may even have gotten engaged. Once again, praise-droop-praise-droop.

If you're coupled and you've waited until the last minute, may I recommend...?

• Drive-in movie theater (if you can find one near you)
• "Camp Out" on the floor with candles, music, all that good stuff. Get finger foods and eat them...with your fingers. You could set that up in five minutes. 
• If all else fails, jump your significant other as soon as he or she walks through the door. That should give you some time to come up with a story.

Love stinks. Yeah, Yeah. 

D