I hope you enjoyed my novel excerpt. As you can see from the widget (I love that word) on the left, I'm still actively participating in the novel challenge and I'm loving the hell out of it. I'm telling you and everyone else about it because it will force me to finish what I started and not give up, burn out, or stop when I get stuck.
I'm about to rake a crazy woman over the coals. Please enjoy the musical stylings of Stevie Wonder's "Overjoyed" as you read.
This morning, I pulled up my browser, which automatically takes me to my main source of e-mail and news blurbs. That's when I saw the headline: "Bachmann Team Accuses CBS Of Bias".
 |
| The Guano Loco Queen |
In short, Shelly (gotta give the woman a nickname) is having a temper tantrum because during the last debate, CBS has no intention of directing any serious questions her way due to the fact that the only things keeping her in the race at this point are hopes and dreams and no actual chance of winning. I'm guessing that she's convinced Cain or Perry will do something even more stupid than they already have and suddenly, Bachmann won't seem quite as GUANO LOCO as she has in the past.
From where, oh where, did this revelation originate?
To what does she object?
"...since she's not going to get many questions..."
Why would she get many questions? In the past when she's been asked questions, she hasn't bothered to answer them. And yes, that is the way most politicians operate, but Shelly does it in an oh-so-special way. Allow me a little creative license here:
Q: What will be your first priority upon taking office?
GLA: I'm jobs creator, so I will be creating jobs.
Q: How do you plan to do that?
GLA: By creating jobs. I'm a jobs creator, you know. Jobs, jobs, jobs.
Q: How do you plan to address the gay marriage issue?
GLA: Whatever. Let the states handle it. I'm too busy creating jobs.
Q: And abortion?
GLA: Like I said, the states. Me, jobs!
"...and she's nearly off the charts..."
She could counter this one with facts -- if she had them. Alas, the current polls look a little like this (keep in mind I'm taking this from CBS to show on what they based the above e-mail):
Candidate
|
%
|
Doro’s Forecast
|
Cain
|
18
|
He can
grope whomever he chooses and he’s still a more popular candidate than
Bachmann.
|
Romney
|
15
|
The
Mormon issue isn’t as big a deal when up against Candidate Guano Loco.
|
Gingrich
|
15
|
He hasn’t
said anything wrong…or right at this point. Good move, Newt!
|
Perry
|
8
|
Even
being a dumbass looks better than Mrs. Jobs Creator
|
Paul
|
5
|
His first
term would end when he’s 80 years old. Still one point ahead of Bachmann.
|
Bachmann
|
4
|
96% of
those polled would rather vote for anyone else.
|
Santorum
|
2
|
Is he
still in the race?
|
Huntsman
|
1
|
Who?
|
The Bachmannisms that have made her so appealing to that 4%:
On the Wall Street Protesters:
"They haven't been told what was done for them and that's what's a shame. And I think that as soon as they would know, if they understood the heavy price that was paid for that First Amendment right, they'd be much more respectful," Bachmann said while shaking hands at a Veterans Day parade in Columbia, South Carolina. Queen Guano Loco is saying that the 99% is ignorant of American History. I suppose she would know, having insisted that our Founding Fathers worked tirelessly to end slavery, her inclusion of John Quincy Adams as a Founding Father, and her breathtakingly retro comment regarding her fear of the rise of the Soviet Union (which hasn't been the Soviet Union since 1991).
On the Unemployed, Underemployed Who Require Assistance:
"She continued, "They save for their own retirement security, they don't have AFDC (Aid to Families With Dependent Children), they don't have the modern welfare state, and China's growing..." Once again, she has no clue that China doesn't have these things because they are a socialist society and the Chinese are only allowed one child under threat of forced abortion. Which brings me to my next point...
On Abortion:
Bachmann supports forcing women seeking abortion to undergo a transvaginal ultrasound (that's when they put a device all up in there...which sounds very similar to rape). “A study by Focus on the Family found that when women who were undecided about having an abortion were shown an ultrasound image of the baby, 78% chose life," This comment was disputed by an ACTUAL DOCTOR (rather than a biased religious organization):
"But Dr. Stanwood, who performs multiple abortions a week, said that in her experience, performing an ultrasound on a pregnant woman who has already decided to have an abortion never actually changes the woman's mind. "I've been in practice for 16 years and I've never met a woman who didn't understand what pregnancy meant," she told HuffPost. "Women are completely aware that their embryos can develop into babies. They know what it takes to be a good mother and they know when they're ready. Showing a woman the heartbeat doesn't change the situation that caused her to choose abortion in the first place."
Remind me again, Queen Guano Loco...why should anyone ask you questions? Oh, that's right. You have all the answers. All the wrong answers, anyway. Stop stealing your supporters' money (wasn't quite sure if I should put the apostrophe before or after the "s"...hard to tell these days!) and drop out while you still have, uh, your current position?
Not guano loco,
D
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