Dear Neighbors:
I once shared the experiences I've had with a needy neighbor (more kids than she knows what to do with and only one has left the nest permanently). Well, she's at it again. Yesterday, her daughter knocked on my door armed with a sob story I didn't allow her to finish. After all, I knew where she was going with it -- I asked her to get to the point and she did. She needs a ride to school this week.
It isn't as though it's out of my way -- I teach where she attends. The inconveniences to me, however, are numerous and make sense to no one other than me. The real problem, of course, is that one "yes" opens a door that I can't shut again. The last time I agreed to help (her car wasn't working), the mother didn't tell me when her car was up and running again. She expected me to continue driving her daughter to school regardless. She frequently knocks on my door looking for rides, "emergency" money, that one forgotten ingredient for a recipe...it never ends.
In the past when I've said no to giving her daughter a ride, I've done so because I cannot leave my schedule to the whims of a twelve year-old girl and her fifty-something-going-on-twelve-year-old mother. When it's time to go, it's time to go. If I get an e-mail in the morning that requires I leave earlier than planned, the last thing I want to do is to go over to my neighbor's place and wake her daughter up early. Isn't that her mother's job? When I've tried to say no, I've found that it's impossible.
I've explained my scheduling problem, to which her daughter insists that she can be ready at any time (she's not). I've explained that if I happen to be sick and need to call in, I don't want to be responsible for getting her daughter to school (she would drive her if it came to that. If that's the case, why do they need me at all?). I've just said no, no, no, and it never works.
Clearly, I need to have a strategy in place here. I'm about to have a 6-week break from work and I don't want to be a sitting duck for the Needy Neighbor. If she knows I don't have to be at work, what might she ask of me? And how I can be prepared for school in August, when she'll surely be demanding more of my time again?
How I Plan to Avoid My Needy Neighbor's Needs:
1. I'm going to stop answering the door.
Taking advantage of my peephole will come in handy. When I hear that knock on the door, I'll creep quietly towards it, not making enough noise for NN to determine that I'm there. Then I'll look into the peephole. If it's her or any member of her family, I'll quietly creep away and go back to whatever I was doing.
2. I'm going to turn this into a quid pro quo situation.
At my front door, I'm going to keep trash that needs to go out, laundry that needs to be washed, and the key to my car along with the materials required to wash it. When NN asks for a favor, I'll ask for one right back.
3. I'm going to say "No." -- and nothing else.
People who ask for a number of favors love it when the target gives a reason for not being able to help out. They can come up with a solution for any excuse. My NN will even say to me, "Hey, you don't have to make up excuses. If you don't want to, just say no." Then I say no and she continues going on about her sad, sad situation. So now, I'm going to say no and walk away/shut the door/run for my car.
4. I'll offer up other targets.
I'm going to practice asking, "Have you asked the guy in apartment number four? He doesn't look like he has much to do today," and "The people next door to me have a lot of kids. I bet they wouldn't notice once more, would you?"
5. I'll start telling my own sob stories.
Wow, I really wish I could help you out with that, but did you know that I'm dealing with excruciating pain in my foot right now? Yep, it hurts all the time. There's arthritis right here, and tendonitis here, and a blown tendon over here and I've seen four doctors and none of them have been able to help me so I'm going to see another doctor soon and I'm really getting bummed did you know I had a hip replacement when I was 34? I'm not kidding...
I'll keep you updated on my progress.
No, no, no!
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