No Hearts, No Flowers, No Worries

Dear Neighbors:

Yes, it's that time of year again. It's time for me to play my favorite Valentine's Day song and lament about the fuckedupness of February 14th. 

Yes, love still stinks. Yes, I'm still working on becoming The Bitter Old Woman Who Screams At Everyone For No Particular Reason. 

I'm also mellowing out just a little. As I've spent the evening preparing treats for my colleagues tomorrow (gluten-free, red velvet twinkies) as well as a few gifts for those who make my day worth experiencing, I've lost a little of my bitter edge. 

Still single, but I'm okay with it. Maybe it's because I've forgotten what it feels like to be with someone, or maybe it's because I'm surrounded by people whose choices depend on an obstinate significant other. My choices, for the most part, are my own to make. And screw up, of course!

The school year started terribly. A parent told me that I "sucked the love of learning" from her precious investments...I mean, children. I thought for sure that I'd make this my last year teaching and head into a more sane career doing phone sex or sitting my lazy ass in Congress (go ahead, laugh!). Instead, things turned around and I have had the best school year that I can remember in a long, long time. It's stressful and challenging and sometimes I come home and cry, but I love my job. I love my class. I love (most of) the parents of my students. And my colleagues? I need to give them a big Woooohooooo!!! because they deserve it for putting up with me. 

What else doesn't suck?

I've recently been in touch with an ex-boyfriend, and chatting with him feels just like it did when we were dating. In 2001. I'm starting to remember what being in love felt like back then. It was nice and new and hopeful and spontaneous. I wasn't self-conscious then; I wasn't always questioning if I was doing/saying/wearing the right thing or if I was laughing too loudly or speaking inappropriately. So why do I do these things now? I need to rethink my approach to life.

I speak to my mom at least once a week and I try to visit as often as I can. Sometimes it's as though we're reading each other's minds, especially if we have something snarky to say! My younger brother and I have become so much more close than we've ever been. He makes me laugh like no one else and I can only hope that I give him whatever support he needs from me. Did I mention he gave me some stink bombs to use on my idiot neighbors when they're congregated in front of my apartment? All I have to do it throw one and they scatter like roaches in sunlight. 

I spent time with my older brother and his family in August and I realize we need to do that more often. Today, I had a nice conversation with my sister on the phone. Where am I going with this? Not everyone has a close family like I do. I recognize that and I appreciate it. I don't know where I would be without them.

What I'm trying to say is that there's more to life and love than being in love. Because sometimes, love stinks and it's perfectly acceptable to admit it. 

Single-y,

D