My Loss Must Be Your Loss

Dear Neighbors:

One of my biggest pet peeves (as if I didn't already have a million of them) is the need to memorialize every loss for the viewing displeasure of everyone else. I realize that in the aftermath of a tragedy this topic may seem inappropriate, but this blog has nothing to do with that. 

I was running my errands today, the first of which began at the laundromat. One of the patrons had a huge tattoo on his arm complete with a picture of Miguel, a cross, and the dates 1984 - 2010. After finishing my laundry and heading over to Target, I sat in traffic behind a car with yet another dedication, this time to a man who had died at the age of 94. Along the side of the road, I glimpsed a makeshift "accident" memorial, complete with stuffed animals, dried carnations, and a cross that had probably seen better days before Thursday's rainstorm. 

I just don't get it. We all have losses. We all have grief. It's one thing to share that grief with other people as we seek comfort, but it's another to carry it with us permanently. What bothers me the most about memorial decorations on vehicles and body art is that it's not just a remembrance of a loved one; it's a way to force other people to acknowledge a loss. They might as well say, "I didn't get enough attention when it happened, so I'm going to ensure that I get it from now on!"

Today is the 23rd anniversary of my dad's death. I miss him, and I've thought a great deal about what could have been if he had lived, but I have not incorporated his death into a tattoo, a plaque that I hang in my living room, or a decoration on my car. Instead, I remember him quietly and hope that others are doing the same. It's all I can ask. 

D