Fun At The Drive-In

Dear Neighbors:

The Van Buren Drive In Theater in Riverside, California.

When I was a kid, it was always cheaper for families to take kids to the drive-in than to a regular movie theater. They charged by the car rather than for each person, and we could bring our own snacks. In addition, there was always a double feature. What a deal, right? Each stall had speakers that we attached to the window of the car. If we were sitting outside, we could leave it where it was and just turn it up to full volume. With all of the cars using these speakers, we had the earliest version of surround sound. 


The first movie I remember seeing there was "The Rescuers". 

Disney's "The Rescuers"

I still love that movie. I also saw "The Empire Strikes Back" and "Return of the Jedi". 

Even though some double features were clearly rated G or PG, other screens would show films that were rated R. Remember the seventies and eighties? The gratuitous sex and nudity that we don't see that much of today? Imagine being a kid and turning your head just enough to catch a glimpse of something naughty on one of the other screens. We couldn't hear the dialogue of course. Now...imagine taking your child to that movie intentionally. 

The picture quality was terrible, but the movie itself seemed good. 

Last night, I went to the Rubidoux drive-in (many people don't have one such theater nearby, but I have two!) with my BFF Laura to see the movie "Magic Mike". The second movie was "Ted", which I also saw the day before with some friends. Things have changed just a little -- we paid $7 per person; and, these days one uses the car radio to listen to the movie rather than the facility-provided speakers. 


We arrived with twenty minutes to spare and drove around a bit to find a good place to park. We wanted to be close enough to the screen to have a good view, to park behind a car rather than a view-obstructing SUV, and to stay away from families who, for some reason that neither one of us could fathom, brought their children. We thought we were in luck. There was an SUV to our right, and there was a couple sitting in chairs in front of it. To our left was a small car with a couple whose upper torsos disappeared for the majority of the evening. 


Once we had committed to a location, we went to the snack bar so Laura could get something for dinner. As for me, I brought chocolate-covered gummy bears, kettle corn, and soda. Later, I went back for french fries. Could not help myself. When we returned to the car, to our sheer horror, we saw that the SUV had been fully unloaded and the couple brought their four children. One was a teenage girl, and the other were boys who appeared to be six months, maybe three years old, and no more than five years old. 


Allow me to remind you what was playing on Screen #2:

"Ted": MPAA Rating:

R for crude and sexual content, pervasive language, and some drug use.

"Magic Mike": MPAA Rating:

R for pervasive sexual content, brief graphic nudity, language and some drug use.

Perfect for kids, right? Not hardly. If they didn't hear the profanity (which was pretty much constant throughout "Ted"), they were able to see men stripping, a little sex here and there and quite a few bare asses. Not to worry, the kids didn't see much of that. They were too busy running around the vehicle and screaming for no apparent reason. Because it's been close to a hundred degrees here in Southern California, everyone had their windows rolled down. Before long, Laura and I both had our fill of those boys yelling and opening the car doors constantly. We couldn't figure out if something was wrong with the doors on the other side of the car -- for some reason, they had to open the ones that were closest to us. One of the boys would put his hands on the front of Laura's car, set his trough of popcorn on the hood, and then kick it, just for fun. Laura's reaction was to either start the car, turn on the lights, or honk the horn -- any of which would scare the shit out of him and cause him to run away.


Several times, it appeared that the family was packing up to leave. We would quietly celebrate our apparent victory before realizing that it was just a ploy to try to get the boys to behave. It failed. The kids would start screaming and crying. We couldn't move because most of the spots were filled at that point. 


I'm glad that I saw "Ted" the day before, because I could hardly hear it this time. The boys were running around the car and screaming as the "parents' tried to catch them. Why in hell would anyone bring small children to two R-rated movies? If they can't get a sitter, they can wait for the DVD. It may be an outside venue, but the rest of us still have the right to expect that there won't be a bunch of small children running around. 


I hope those kids kept their parents up all night. 


Not feeling the magic,


D