The Essence of Motivation

Dear Neighbors:

I celebrated a birthday earlier this month. On Saturday, a friend from work had me over for dinner (salmon & asparagus -- yummy!) and a wonderful gluten-free red velvet cake. I was so very touched because I didn't think I would get to have a birthday cake this year, much less my new favorite. I blew out 41 candles, so my wish should come true. :)  

Victoria and her husband have become good friends of mine and I only hope that I'm as good a friend to them. Her husband laughs at all my jokes and re-tells them over and over again. It's flattering, to say the least. I'm glad that I make him laugh with my simple observations. I'm going to cat & dogsit for them over the break again. I think I've won over their more stubborn cat, Peppy.

Birthdays have a magical power for those of us who are beyond our thirties (I'm 41 now!). For me, I think about where I was the year before and determine what has changed and what hasn't. 

Positive changes:

Last year, I was crazy about the wrong guy. Now, we're friends and collaborators and we're both comfortable with that. We admire each other's writing talent and we're determined to help each other become successful. 

Last year, I still worried every day that every mistake I made at work would lead to the loss of my job. It's happened before. Right now, I'm getting ready for work and looking forward to teaching a lesson in another teacher's classroom. He asked for some help in teaching writing and I offered to model a lesson for him. The vice-principal is going to cover my class and then help me teach my students to access a writing assessment program. I love that we can help each other at this school without having to admit to some sort of weakness. That's what education is about. It isn't just the students who are learning; I learn from them every day and I wouldn't want it any other way. 

Last year, my iron level was completely out of whack and I would feel weak and dizzy throughout the day. Now I'm getting regular iron infusions (since I can't absorb iron naturally) and everything is relatively normal. What a relief!

Last year, I was just starting to explore what's wrong with my foot. Now I know that I have osteoarthritis (again) and the only fix is surgery. Now that I know that, I'm going to find ways to get around it so I can work out again. The only surgical option right now is joint fusion and I'm not interested in that. I've been using a tens unit at work to relieve the pain. Orthotics help, but I like to wear dresses at work and I can't really put those into my dressy shoes. They just look weird. I have one more week of work before a 2-week break and I'm hoping to see a man about a custom brace. I want to go out dancing!

I'm not going to list the negative changes because rather than dwell on them, I should change them, right?

Goals:

Baby Baby Baby -- I realize that I'm not the most financially stable person in the world, but I'm working on that. I have a roof over my head, health insurance, more love than I ever thought I could possess, and a babysitter already lined up. I teach at a school where I would love to have my future child attend. Oh, and I'm ovulating (at 41, that's good news) right now. So it's time to get this show on the road. I'm still looking for a sperm donor, by the way.

Writing -- I'm working on two novels at the moment. When I get stuck on one, I work on the other. I need to step it up and really get some work done over my break. It's time to start outlining my stories and create a writing schedule. I usually just write when I'm inspired, but inspiration will drag this project out until I'm too old to remember why I started writing in the first place. I'm going to keep motivating my aforementioned friend to continue his work as well. Sometimes, all we really need is a little encouragement.

Family -- My sister and I have recently had a falling out. I procrastinated on discussing something with her and when I finally did,  I put my foot in my mouth. I'm sorry for the way I explained myself to her and I hope she'll give me an opportunity to explain myself rationally. In the future, I'd like the two of us to have the kind of relationship where we can talk openly about any subject, the way I do with my closest friends. I know I've offended her with my atheism and I'm keeping that in mind when I mention religion. I think about her every day and wish there was something I could do to mend this rift between us. It saddens me. I don't want to pressure her to talk about this until she's ready, but if she's reading this, I want her to know that I love her and I'll do anything to fix this. 

What is the essence of motivation? How do we decide that things need to change?

To draw on a historical reference, my favorite example of motivation is the way this country was founded (Let's skip over the stealing the land from the Native Americans because I don't think they would consider this a step in the right direction). The colonists made a new home for themselves and still found that they were under the rule of England. The rules, of course, seemed unfair being so far away from their ruling country. They could only buy tea imported from England, they could be forced to house British soldiers (the Quartering Act), and they had no say in the way their own country was run. That was all the motivation they needed -- the colonists fought against what they considered to be tyranny and established a new country for themselves. 

I must do the same thing. I need to escape the tyranny of my own mind and the limitations I unconsciously put on myself. I'm going to keep reminding myself that anything is possible if I'm willing to work for it.

Speaking of work, it's time to go. 

Motivated and bringing cake to work,

D